Brad Wardell's views about technology, politics, religion, world affairs, and all sorts of politically incorrect topics.
Biggest, heaviest element yet
Published on February 5, 2004 By Draginol In Humor
This is making its way around the net...

New Chemical Element Discovered Called "Governmentium"

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 1 to 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually in crease over time, since reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it!

Comments
on Feb 05, 2004
ahahahaha I love it.
I think I'ma hafta steal it.
on Feb 05, 2004
That a good one
i might stole it as well.
on Feb 05, 2004
yea i stole that already
on Feb 05, 2004
Ain't bureaucracy grand.
on Feb 05, 2004
"Governmentium has a normal half-life of 1 to 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually in crease over time, since reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes."

You realize, of course, that this means that at some point the mass of Governmentium will be sufficiently large that it will either collapse under its own weight and then fragment (USSR) or consume our entire planet resulting in a black hole...
on Feb 06, 2004
COME ON BLACK HOLE!!!
Meta
Views
» 2288
Comments
» 6
Category
Sponsored Links