My second-grader son is having bully problems. He came to me tonight crying that this kid in school keeps punching him, sometimes in the head.

I asked him if he had gone to the teacher about this yet? He said he had and that the teacher made the kid apologize for hitting him. But the next recess, the bully was back at it, hitting my son.  He just didn't know what to do.

So I told him: If he hits you again, you need to be prepared to beat the tar out of him. Don't start the fight. But make sure you finish it.  The nose is a tender area on a small child. If the bully is hitting you in the head, you hit him back in the face. Punch him hard in the nose until he's not able to hit you anymore.

His reaction was that he didn't want to get in trouble. That in school, teachers send anyone in a fight to the principal's office.  I told him, "That's right. They will send you there. And they will call us and then your mom and I will tell him that we told you to beat the tar out of this kid. And we will remind him that if the school can't control the bullies, then we will teach our son how to defend himself effectively."

We also assured him that as long as he is defending himself -- not starting the physical fight -- that we will stand by him.  He's a good boy. A gentle, sweet, kind boy. But he has to learn that bullies aren't to be placated. They are to be confronted.  If the bully is too big for him to handle, then he needs to bring it to a teacher's attention again or bring it to us and we will intervene. But we won't intervene if he isn't willing to defend himself from bullies that are his size or smaller. He has to fight his own battles. And we will support him on it, regardless of what the school says.

Anyone who says that if you pretend the bullies attacks don't bother you you will be fine is a fool. Bullies are not to be ignored. They are to be confronted and defeated.