Brad Wardell's views about technology, politics, religion, world affairs, and all sorts of politically incorrect topics.
Disney Vacation: Day 2
Published on April 24, 2005 By Draginol In Vacations

They seem to come from an assembly line: The Fat 7 year old boy and his younger fat 5 year old brother or sister. Fat dad and skinny, passive mom.

They're everywhere.

You'll find them at breakfast. The fat 7 year old will be spazzing around as his mom is trying to get him to finish his breakfast Coca Cola. You'll find them trying to cut in line at the rides.  You'll find them throwing tantrums in food lines.  You'll find them tapping the glass at the "do not tap on glass" aquariums.

By the end of the afternoon, as the fat 7 year old dripped ice cream onto my arm while his mom was meekly saying "no no" to the 5 year old who was whipping the chain that seperated lines from one another (thus annoying everyone in both lines) I realized that there here was a business opporunity: Child Tasers.

The Child Taser wouldn't be nearly as harsh as the regular taser. It would just give the child a good jolt.  If we were all armed with them, we would be able to..encourage the pathetic parents who seem to inhabit major amusement parks across America to start learning how to raise their children.

So next time I'm cringing in shame as the next generation of ugly American is screaming because he wanted a bigger chocolate icecream cone or resisting trying to trip the two spoiled rotten brats running carelessly through a restaurant or shop knocking other kids and chairs down, I can instead taser them.

Then we can expand to tasering to the parents themselves. When the mom gets her 5 year old obese child a Coca Cola for breakfast (rather than the orange juice that is right next to it) ZAP on the mom. When the dad just chuckles at his tons playing wrestle in the Disney Store, ZAP on the dad.  When the 7 year old is yelling the lines of the robot just a second before the robot actually says the line because the 7 year old has already seen the thing 10 times, thus spoiling it for everyone else, we can ZAP the whole lot.

Because as a "wise" woman once said, it takes a village..a village of tasers!


Comments
on Apr 24, 2005
I'll take two, please.
on Apr 24, 2005
Sign me up for some....at least 2 for one-two zapping if needed.

~Zoo
on Apr 24, 2005
I fully endorse this idea! There are a number of kids (and parents) in my apartment building that could use a good zap... Want to full the fire alarm at 3am because you think it's funny? *ZAP* Just tsk-tsk your child for pulling said fire alarm at 3am and then saying "Kids, what can you do?" *ZAP*
on Apr 24, 2005
I approve.

I'm an avid watcher of those "Nanny" shows. There seems to be no shortage of worthless parents and their animal offspring. ZAP THEM ALL!
on Apr 25, 2005
Ahhh to have it come true just for a day...
on Apr 25, 2005
This is the best idea I've heard in a long time...
on Apr 25, 2005
The next best thing to the kid taser is "The Flick". At least on your on kids. "The Flick" is exactly what it says, the use of the thumb and any other finger to "Flick" your kid on the head. It's fast, the bleading hearts never see it, even when used in public because it's so fast. It get their attention, because it hurts like hell. It leaves no mark, so prove I did it. They behave, because they know it's coming if they don't. Actually had to use it very few times. A useful tool to raising respectable kids and it's free.

JollyFE
on Apr 25, 2005

I'm SushiK

And I approve of this message
on Apr 25, 2005
I laughed when I read this because although it's amusing and might seem cruel, it's so true. It goes along with Gideon's and Zoomba's articles written because of the 5year old who was placed in handcuffs, that parents should do their jobs and parent their children.

I am all for the parents who have the inability to parent their children to being the ones tasered!
on Apr 25, 2005
Yeah, but you know that the rich/tough kids are just going to buy tasers so they can bully the poor ones at school and steal their lunch money.
on Apr 25, 2005
How funny! I try to teach my boys right and they drive me crazy but all I have to do is volunteer for a field trip and I have a whole new appreciation for my gang. They are not angels but they aren't the worst of the bunch by a long shot.
on Apr 27, 2005
I don't approve of the light tazer idea. You should get low, medium, and high, depending on the child. Hey, if we can put shock collars on animals, why not children... they're bigger animals. I want cattleprods for the parents.
on Apr 27, 2005
Ahhh to have it come true just for a day...


Hmm...Greywar's been reading my mind again.....
on Apr 28, 2005
My grandpa's thumb was like a sledgehammer on my cranium...bless his soul.
on Jul 31, 2006
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