It's mother's day and my wife is out getting a dress for dinner tonight. So I'm at home with the boys. The boys are mirror images of one another.
The 7 year old is gentle, kind, thoughtful. But also soft, fearful, and uncompetitive. The 3 year old by contrast is strong, willful, adventurous but also disobedient, slow to learn, stubborn.
I've been trying to teach the 7 year old how to ride his bike. It's been difficult because he has no interest in learning whatsoever and is afraid of falling. It's been quite a trial getting him to learn and progress has been slow. Because Alex, the older one, has always been so cooperative, we attributed it all to good parenting. We haven't needed to spank him (or at least very very rarely). He rarely needs time outs.
Ryan, the 3 year old, by contrast, just is incredibly disobedient to the point that I wonder if he's just slow. With Alex, I've never counted to 3. I would say "1..2.." and voila, he'd be up to his room or doing whatever. With Ryan it's "1...2....2.5...2.75...3!....3!!!" and he'll just sit there defiantly. Even today I had to give him a spanking for throwing things at his older brother in the head. Alex, ever kind and gentle, didn't retaliate. I told Ryan he needed to go to his room. He said "No." But he kissed Alex on the head where one of the metal projectiles had hit. I said "That's a nice boy, but you still need to go to yur room for a few minutes." "NO.' Eventually this lead to "1...2....3"
When I reach 3, spanking is pretty much my main weapon. I had never actually expected to get to 3. I'd been a parent 5 years before I'd gotten to 3 and like I said, I've never had to count all the way to 3 with the older one. So 3 swats to the rear end and off to his room I put him.
About 15 minutes later I go up to his room and explain why he was disicplined. He said he understood and asked for piece of cheese. So I brought him down, got him some cheese and then he says "Nah, not hungry anymore." To which I said "You asked for cheese, you need to at least eat some of it. I don't want to waste it." He said "No." Again.. just 15 minutes ago we went through this. "Eat a piece of cheese NOW." "NO". "1...2...3" now this time since he hadn't done anything that I felt warranted a spanking I sent him to his room. This time he obeyed.
Which is where he is now. In his room crying. And I feel awful because it breaks my heart to see either of my two children unhappy. But I also fear that a lack of personal disicpline will cause them much more grief in the long run if it isn't instilled in them now. And so here we are.