You can't choose to have faith in something.  You either have faith or you don't. And when it comes to most religious issues the most faith I can manage to muster is the faith that there may be some greater being, some higher power that ultimately created the universe.  Beyond that, my faith is lacking.

My friends who have faith cannot understand this aspect of myself anymore than I can understand their ability to have faith in their particular religious choice. It's beyond me. I simply cannot bring myself to have faith in the teachings of any man-made theology. Nor can I accept that any of the theologies being presented are "divinely" provided.

For example, I fully understand the nature of Christianity. In fact, I'd argue I know it far better than most "Christians" I know.  Christianity boils down to this: If you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior then you will be able to join him in the kingdom of heaven.  It's as simple as that. If you truly believe in Christ, then you will be saved.

Not believing in Jesus as your lord and savior does not mean you go to hell. Not in the sense most people think of it anyway.  The bible is vague (at best) about the alternatives.  Having faith in Christ is simply you accepting an invitation to blessed path after the end. Not accepting that invitation leads to the unknown.  My point being, my problem with faith is not based on the oft-spoken issue of "What about the people who have never heard of Christianity? Do they all go to hell? Does that mean that everyone else is going to suffer?"  Because that's not actually what most Christian theologians believe. The alternative to the kingdom of heaven isn't eternal pain and torment. The alternative is unknown (though you can get into a lively debate as competing passages of the old and new testament, translated umpteen billion times get thrown back and forth).

But for me, faith in Christianity (or any religion that shows there is more to the world than the physical) is something I desire but am incapable of. It's that the specifics of each religion almost always fall apart on closer, objective inspection.

I know, for instance, that Jesus was not born on December 25th. At least, the preponderance of evidence is that he wasn't born on December 25th.  The date was simply put there after the fact by the early Catholic church to make it easier to convert pagans.  Easter is the same thing with its taking place conveniently during pagan fertility festivals. I've known this for years. But that wouldn't really disturb my faith. The actual dates of the birth and death Christ are arbitrary.

But things get more difficult when the preponderance of evidence indicates that the concept of "immaculate" conception of Jesus came much later (in fact, the books of Luke and Mark and such didn't even get written for decades after the fact). And the more you dig into the historical accuracy of Christmas the more the whole thing unravels.

Christianity, as a sect, really boiled down to something pretty specific at the beginning. Jesus was leader of a particular group of Jews. He was tried and crucified for sedition. Two days later, a number of eye witnesses claim they saw and spoke to him -- that he had risen from the dead.  And enough people believed -- had faith -- that this was the truth that everything eventually snowballs from there (with a big help of St. Paul who, btw, had never met Jesus in all likelihood). Like I said, the more I've looked into the specifics, the more it unravels.

For me to have faith in such a specific vision of religion would require proof. Real proof. And of course, that's the catch, proof denies faith. I'm not looking for a reason to have faith, I'm looking for proof and I know such proof that would satisfy me doesn't exist. You either have faith or you don't. And I don't.

Not having faith is nothing to take pride in. It makes me feel a bit ill to see some pretentious atheist try to claim intellectual superiority for his faith of believing that the universe just spontaneously came into being. That's a faith that has about as much "scientific" proof behind it as believing that the universe was created 6 seconds ago by 3 green fairies who gave us all these memories.

As faiths go, I would much rather believe that there is an omnipotent being that is concerned over our welfare to the point that he sent his own son to die for our sins to enable us to join him after we leave or mortal coil. That sure beats believing the universe simply sprang into existence and that after we die there is nothing.  But I have faith in neither belief.  Simply put, I don't know what happens after we die.  But I cannot have faith in the specifics of Christianity. I'm just not the faith kind of guy. I need evidence to believe something.

I don't think you need to have faith to be a happy person. Nor do I think you need faith to have a fulfilled life.  The home I live in is full of love and joy. There is no emptiness due to the lack of faith or religion in our lives.  But at the same time, I truly wish I could have faith because I very much want to believe that there is more to this world than what I can see and touch (or that others have seen or touched whose credibility I trust).  But I cannot muster that spark.

And so I can enjoy warmth and comfort of Christmas because of its earthly goodness due to the presence and love of friends and family. But I can't enjoy it due to its otherworldly meanings.