Brad Wardell's views about technology, politics, religion, world affairs, and all sorts of politically incorrect topics.
Learning the difference is crucial to long term happiness
Published on April 11, 2004 By Draginol In Personal Relationships

When you're intelligent, it can be very frustrating to recognize that one lacks wisdom. And recognizing that truism is the first step on the path to gaining wisdom.

When I was 17, I started keeping a journal of my thoughts and experiences. It was part of the whole internal conceit that comes with being young and assured of ones intelligence relative to others. I kept the journal for many reasons but one reason was because I wanted to remember what it was like to be 17-21 so that when I had children, I would be able to understand better. I was certain that as I got older, I'd lose touch with that "deepness" that only young adults seemed to possess.

It is amazing how time converts intelligence to wisdom through experience. It shows up in so many subtle ways. I used to run a BBS back during my late teens and have print outs of some of my more (ahem) profound writings. Re-reading them makes it pretty clear just how intelligence is no substitute for wisdom.  For example, when I was a teen, my word choices were intentionally more flamboyant and intellectual than they are today. That is, my writing was more designed to impress my readers of my intellect than to communicate my ideas.  Today, when I write, I intentionally choose plainer words. That's because, over time, I've become more concerned with communicating effectively than demonstrating my vocabular.

That also is true of debating. I used to really enjoy debating about religion, the after life, abortion, evolution, love, etc.  I still maintain that these are good things to debate because they make you think about things in ways you may not have previously. But now, I rarely will debate those kinds of things. They're too subjective. I am not interested in convincing someone that evolution is true (though I don't mind popping in and briefly commenting on the subject).  I don't really care whether someone thinks abortion is murder or whether a "cell cluster" is life. These are things that are simply too subjective and won't be resolved.

Reading through my journal I recognize a great number of fairly typical attributes that one can see in teens anywhere in similar circumstances:

1) Melodrama. Everything is important. It is the age of poetry. The age of passionate diatribes. Heart-felt feelings. Words like "soul" and "eternal" are the types of words teens use to describe relationships. By the time you're 30, these words get replaced by words like "gas" and "smell".

2) Insecurity. Intelligence in teens is rarely valued by ones peers. This leads intelligent teens to simply try to redefine what "cool" is. That's why so many intelligent teens are basically exiles amongst their peers. I must confess, high school left a chip on my shoulder that helped fuel my ambition later on. Never underestimate the power of "I'll show them!".

3) Certainty. Teens seem to be "certain" of everything. I was. And adults who thought I was being naive were simply not intelligent enough to recognize the truth in my considered thoughts. After all, I had thought about these "deep" issues at length while adults were too busy playing office politics or watching TV. Some dullard 30 year old can't possibly understand the truth depth of my "love" for <eternal love interest #5101>. And their foolish patronization of me only made me feel more contempt for these dollards.

Of course, time moves on and wisdom is slow to build but it does over time.  The issues I thought for sure would be important turned out not to be important. What delivers everyday happiness is different from person to person but is almost certainly not the things I was so certain were the keys to happiness when I was 19.

As a 32 year old, my fear now is more that humans, psychologically, follow the same pattern. 

At 19 some think "I wonder what I should do with my life?" Result: Deep thoughts and certainty.

At 30 some think "I wonder if this is what I should be doing with my life?" Result: Marriages fail, unrest, re-evaluation.

At 45 some start to wonder "Is this what I should have done with my life?" Result: Mid-life crisis, sports cars, 21 year old girlfriends.

Obviously most people don't follow the pattern I describe above. But observation shows that a lot of people seem to fit some derivative of those patterns in roughly those scales.

Which brings us back to the original point - intelligence doesn't equal wisdom. Wisdom is slow to build over time. All we can do is try our best to recognize how little we know so that our intelligence doesn't lead us to disaster.


Comments (Page 2)
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on Apr 12, 2004
As for looking back, imagine what your thoughts, opinions and observations will be in another 15 years.
on Apr 12, 2004
As for looking back, imagine what your thoughts, opinions and observations will be in another 15 years.
on Apr 12, 2004
As for looking back, imagine what your thoughts, opinions and observations will be in another 15 years.
on Apr 12, 2004
Brad, perhaps you would consider asking me for advice. I am sixteen years older than you, plus I have led a English dynasty for many years now. I carry the spirit of English potentates in my noble lineage. I would appreciate it Brad, and Dan if you would desist in slandering me on your blog. I am highly ranked because the people of this site can read my blog and not feel disgust at the arrogance of the author. My charisma compels them to read on, not the fact that I directly slander and mock them.

England & Saint George!
on Apr 12, 2004
Mr. Maxwell, I generally stick to libel. I can assure you I was not slandering you.
on Apr 12, 2004
Dan, I stood up for you in your blog about arrogance because you were forthright about being arrogant. You are simply being arrogant on this thread. You are over stepping your realm of relevancy here. Experience means everything when it comes to some subjects. Sure, you have some lovely ideas, in theory. You have no experience with putting those ideas into play so ideas are all they are.

I have friends who don't have children and try to give me parenting advice. I kindly thank them and let it go. It used to irritate me a bit but then I practiced remembering how I thought before I had children. I had all sorts of great parenting "ideas" also. The thing is, you don't know what being a parent is like until you've done it. I don't care how many siblings you have. I don't care how many times you babysat (I had tons of experience with other peoples' kids) there is nothing like being in a parent's shoes.

Another example where experience changed things was when I had a couple of miscarriages. My first pregnancy was just fine. No problems getting pregnant. At that point in time, I couldn't relate to anyone having problems with childbearing. Then I had a miscarriage. Even then I could take comfort in knowing that they were very common. I then had another. My brain then had a reason to fear that I would never have another child. I went through grief, fear, self blame, etc. That experience seems to hold some weight with friends who are going through fertility problems or have had miscarriage. I know that before I had the experience, I thought I could imagine what they were going through.....I couldn't.

Experience can give you insight that you just can't achieve any other way. Age is a prerequisite to gaining experience. Age does not equate wisdom because some people get through life without experiencing much of anything. There are plenty of intelligent people out there that have no practical wisdom. There are some wise people out there that aren't hugely intelligent. I totally agree that the two do not equate.

BTW, Brad did not put himself in the same boat as Stephen Hawking. That was the point of him saying that he wouldn't have the audacity to proclaim anything about physics to him. Humility is an important asset. I suggest you look into gaining some. Truly wise people know much about humility and practice it when appropriate.
on Apr 12, 2004
I had intended to chime in on this on Brad's side but JillUser did it so eloquently that I am at a loss. Nicely said. I can hardly bear the embarassment I feel when I read the things I wrote as a 16-22 year old. It took years on my own, time in the Army, and lots of foreign lands to swing me around. The thoughts of my teen years had nothing but idealism with no realism to temper them. I see much the same with young Dan.
on Apr 12, 2004
"Dan, I stood up for you in your blog about arrogance because you were forthright about being arrogant."

Remembered and duly appreciated.

"Sure, you have some lovely ideas, in theory. You have no experience with putting those ideas into play so ideas are all they are."

What if you thought I was a happily married forty-year-old with three wonderful kids and a comfortable house? Would you take my ideas differently? An idea is an idea, Jill and Brad, and if you disagree, the source is not what you attack, it's the logical fallacy. You speak as if real life and reason have no correlation.

"Humility is an important asset. I suggest you look into gaining some."

When I start taking myself so seriously that I'm actually sure I'm right about these things, I'll start being worried. Meanwhile, I write it off as an educational process.

Greywar- I don't plan on looking back with embarrassment at my past. I know that I'll think the things I've written are foolish, naive, immature, and downright wrong, but that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's character that's important, not idealogy.

~Dan

on Apr 12, 2004
What if you thought I was a happily married forty-year-old with three wonderful kids and a comfortable house? Would you take my ideas differently?


No, I'd still think you were arrogant.
on Apr 13, 2004
"An idea is an idea", it's true. But intelligence will give you a lot of reasonable-seeming ideas that only experience will tell you don't work.
on Apr 13, 2004
"An idea is an idea"- an example of citahellion's point : Very intelligent engineers come up with great, scientifically based ideas all the time. They often can't make them work because they don't have the experience necessary. I know technicians in fiber optics and automotive industry that deal with this all the time. The engineers can design it, they just can't make it work. It looks absolutely perfect on paper but doesn't fit real life applications.
on Apr 13, 2004
or enabling quotes for poor unfortunates such as myself who have to use the archaic ""'s?

Dan--I didn't read the all the responses here, so this may have been addressed, but if not, see my most recent article for the "secret" to yellow boxes.

T-man
on Apr 13, 2004
Dan--
Brad--
Jill--

After reading through this discussion, I noticed one subject that was not directly addressed. What about a persons willingness to learn from experiences? And to dive into one of mans greatest fears--change? I have to say, I have known some 30-40 year old kids literally in every sense but the physical.

I had all sorts of great parenting "ideas" also. The thing is, you don't know what being a parent is like until you've done it. I don't care how many siblings you have. I don't care how many times you babysat (I had tons of experience with other peoples' kids) there is nothing like being in a parent's shoes.
Strong points made here and in the other instances you shared Jill. Here is my thought: You lived through these circumstances but you were willing to many times in your mind say "okay, I guess I could have been wrong about that! Lets try it this way..." So you changed. Then (quoting Muggaz) BAMMM!!! A dose of wisdom.

on Apr 13, 2004
One Man- a good point, as almost all of yours are. Unfortunately, I think we can all agree that the 30-40 year olds are ahead of their time, if anything.

~Dan
on Apr 14, 2004
Brad, I wholeheartedly agree with your article. I have studied computer in college for a while, and I was pretty sure I knew a lot. Then I went to CSCI 250. Man that class was very tough.

I had knowledge, but not experience.

I had installed windows 2000 server for first time, and I tried to promo it to domain controlled and messed it up so bad I had to redo it all again. It's running great now, however. I'm glad it was test at home not at work, which I would be out of a job. I think Intelligence and wisdom is basically knowledge and experience.

EX: I know a lot about how basketball should be played, but I sure can't play in a basketball team. *oops forgot to spell check.
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