Intelligence isn't wisdom

Learning the difference is crucial to long term happiness

Published on April 11, 2004 By Draginol In Personal Relationships

When you're intelligent, it can be very frustrating to recognize that one lacks wisdom. And recognizing that truism is the first step on the path to gaining wisdom.

When I was 17, I started keeping a journal of my thoughts and experiences. It was part of the whole internal conceit that comes with being young and assured of ones intelligence relative to others. I kept the journal for many reasons but one reason was because I wanted to remember what it was like to be 17-21 so that when I had children, I would be able to understand better. I was certain that as I got older, I'd lose touch with that "deepness" that only young adults seemed to possess.

It is amazing how time converts intelligence to wisdom through experience. It shows up in so many subtle ways. I used to run a BBS back during my late teens and have print outs of some of my more (ahem) profound writings. Re-reading them makes it pretty clear just how intelligence is no substitute for wisdom. For example, when I was a teen, my word choices were intentionally more flamboyant and intellectual than they are today. That is, my writing was more designed to impress my readers of my intellect than to communicate my ideas. Today, when I write, I intentionally choose plainer words. That's because, over time, I've become more concerned with communicating effectively than demonstrating my vocabular.

That also is true of debating. I used to really enjoy debating about religion, the after life, abortion, evolution, love, etc. I still maintain that these are good things to debate because they make you think about things in ways you may not have previously. But now, I rarely will debate those kinds of things. They're too subjective. I am not interested in convincing someone that evolution is true (though I don't mind popping in and briefly commenting on the subject). I don't really care whether someone thinks abortion is murder or whether a "cell cluster" is life. These are things that are simply too subjective and won't be resolved.

Reading through my journal I recognize a great number of fairly typical attributes that one can see in teens anywhere in similar circumstances:

1) Melodrama. Everything is important. It is the age of poetry. The age of passionate diatribes. Heart-felt feelings. Words like "soul" and "eternal" are the types of words teens use to describe relationships. By the time you're 30, these words get replaced by words like "gas" and "smell".

2) Insecurity. Intelligence in teens is rarely valued by ones peers. This leads intelligent teens to simply try to redefine what "cool" is. That's why so many intelligent teens are basically exiles amongst their peers. I must confess, high school left a chip on my shoulder that helped fuel my ambition later on. Never underestimate the power of "I'll show them!".

3) Certainty. Teens seem to be "certain" of everything. I was. And adults who thought I was being naive were simply not intelligent enough to recognize the truth in my considered thoughts. After all, I had thought about these "deep" issues at length while adults were too busy playing office politics or watching TV. Some dullard 30 year old can't possibly understand the truth depth of my "love" for <eternal love interest #5101>. And their foolish patronization of me only made me feel more contempt for these dollards.

Of course, time moves on and wisdom is slow to build but it does over time. The issues I thought for sure would be important turned out not to be important. What delivers everyday happiness is different from person to person but is almost certainly not the things I was so certain were the keys to happiness when I was 19.

As a 32 year old, my fear now is more that humans, psychologically, follow the same pattern.

At 19 some think "I wonder what I should do with my life?" Result: Deep thoughts and certainty.

At 30 some think "I wonder if this is what I should be doing with my life?" Result: Marriages fail, unrest, re-evaluation.

At 45 some start to wonder "Is this what I should have done with my life?" Result: Mid-life crisis, sports cars, 21 year old girlfriends.

Obviously most people don't follow the pattern I describe above. But observation shows that a lot of people seem to fit some derivative of those patterns in roughly those scales.

Which brings us back to the original point - intelligence doesn't equal wisdom. Wisdom is slow to build over time. All we can do is try our best to recognize how little we know so that our intelligence doesn't lead us to disaster.

Comments (Page 1)

dharmagrl

on Apr 11, 2004

Oh Brad, I could kiss you!!

You said everything I wanted to, and was working on saying...but you said it much more eloquently than I ever could have.

Thank you...

Dan Kaschel

on Apr 11, 2004

Would it be too egotistic to credit myself with the inspiration for this article?

I think of the vocabulary bit as being a progression in the growth of a writer rather than a person. On occasion, I still flaunt my vocabulary at times(it's my way of saying "I know this is partly angst, but don't ignore me entirely"), but for the most part my word choice and syntax has become simpler over time. However, there are moments when concision is preferable. (i.e. I'd rather say "concision is preferable" than "it's better to use smaller words so other people can understand you.")

Most of your debate I see in the area of poltics and technology. What were the three things you're not supposed to talk about if you want a peaceful dinner? I don't remember the quote, actually, but two of them were religion and politics, and certainly they're equally subjective. Technology is subjective in an entirely different way, but it's in a class of its own because it's so fun anyway.

But beyond subjectivity, abortion, evolution, and love all have one thing in common- they are direct results of the tenets of our belief. (Thanks to Jamie Burnside for rescuing me from mistakenly using the word "tenants.") The use of those subjects is not to reach a conclusion (or at least, that's not why I argue those subjects); the use is to, like sonar, bounce ideologies off people and learn about them from their response. I can see how those subjects might be frustrating for you if you're trying to reach a resolution.

Melodrama- amen. I'm melodramatic most of the time. I'm not ashamed of it, but I'm not really proud of it, either. It's something everybody has to go through. (In case somebody doesn't know who I am, suffice it to say that I'm 17.)

Insecurity- Intelligence has nothing to do with whether a person is cool or not; or at least, not where I live. If a person is "geeky" (i.e. intelligence is their only positive quality), then of course they're going to be shunned, just as an autistic artist would be shunned. That might be something that's changed since your time, or it might be where I live.

Certainty- it seems you laid out your points in order of the amount I'd agree. Most teens are completely uncertain of what they believe about anything. The few that do have beliefs (most of them just don't care) are too timid to express them, and those who do express them start with phrases like "In my humble opinion." I think what you're trying to say is, "this is how I was when I was a kid." And if that's it, then I can definitely see that being the case.

I agree with your title- intelligence isn't wisdom- but I'm afraid that the content was more due to frustration than truth.

~Dan

Draginol

on Apr 11, 2004

I agree with your title- intelligence isn't wisdom- but I'm afraid that the content was more due to frustration than truth.

LOL. You'll have to forgive me if I am not terribly concerned whether our self-proclaimed teen expert on life agrees whether what I speak of is "truth" or not. I think it's great you write your personal thoughts on these matters. But your unearned arrogance on these matters only serve to alienate those who might otherwise agree with you.

Arrogance is not a substitute for sound arguing, Dan. From your writings, it is apparent that your primary purpose is to try to impress others with, what you believe anyway, to be your self-evident teen intelligence. I'll say it again, you are probably brighter than other teens around you. But at the end of the day, you have the experiences of...yes...a teen. And it shows. Eventually, if you save what you've written you'll see what I mean. For example, self-confident adults do not consider having a large vocabular as anything to "flaunt". Words are just tools. Nothing more.

For instance, you don't try to convince others or necessarily work very hard communicate your arguments. Your writing is an ends in itself rather than the means to an end. And you show little evidence of having interest in learning from those who just might know a little more on these issues than you do. I sometimes suspect you find more temptation in correcting someone's spelling than to actually think about what the person has written.

Your writings on sex before marriage did remind me of how self-certain I was when I was your age about life, the universe and everything and so indirectly you were the inspiration. But there is no frustration in my article. It is merely my thoughts on intelligence and wisdom.

And certainly a contemporary of mine (or older) is certainly free to disagree with what I've written, it's pretty laughable for someone who hasn't even begun the journey to haughtily argue whether the destination is borne of frustration or not.

Broadly speaking, any topic is subjective. I suppose a better way to put it is that the issues in abortion are fairly straight forward. The tools available to debate with are pretty well established. By contrast, most political issues tend to come forward with new specifics all the time. Tools such as a knowledge on history, military affairs, social issues, etc. all can come together to create a wide spectrum of sub-topics. Abortion, after all, is arguably simply a particular political discussion. So while I do enjoy debating politics and technology, I tend to pick and choose which specific topics in those categories I engage in.

My advice to you, Dan, is to learn a little humility. If you are as arrogant in "real life" as you are in how you treat others on-line, I suspect you are shunned. Though, for whatever it's worth, it's likely to be a temporary thing. Eventually you will become more proficient socially.

When you speak or write to someone, bear this in mind: "What am I hoping to accomplish by writing what I am writing."

In my case, my response to you is to try to communicate to you that we're not all equal in ability or experience. One must recognize their own strengths and weaknesses and recognize the same in others. It is often better to concede a weak position so that you aren't haunted by that stuborness later on.

A 17 year old, any 17 year old, posing as a life expert is an absurd position to take. Expounding your beliefs based on your point of view should be applauded. But to try to argue with people who have already made the journey just weakens your future positions because people will remember what you've already written.

Dan Kaschel

on Apr 11, 2004

Brad, consider your hypocrisy. You just spend a long time writing a response to a person whose opinion is (you claim) invalid. I propose that perhaps what I say makes sense to you and in fact makes more sense than what you believe, and so rather than conceding as any "humble" person would do, you choose instead to remove my foundation of credibility.

When it comes right down to it, I am better than you, as are all my opinions. My vocabulary is larger, my understanding broader, and my hair several times as large.

FOR GOODNESS SAKES, IS ANYBODY LISTENING?

If I was really as arrogant as it would appear from my writing over the last few hours, I'd have a negative score. I simply got caught up because you were so fervent about the issue. You're interesting to debate with, and of course I don't sit well with people who try to talk over my head. In the future, please don't, even if you feel I'm talking as if I've more experience behind me than I do. Nobody is a life expert Brad, least of all myself, but I'm trying my very best.

And that's all you, or I, or anyone can do. God bless.

~Dan

Draginol

on Apr 11, 2004

Dan,

You misunderstand me then. I don't mind spending lots of free time discussing any given topic that interests me. These discussions, regardless of the form, are ultimately a form of entertainment. That is why people write blogs. Because they enjoy doing it.

Simply because I consider your view on the matter to be invalid doens't mean I won't take time to explain why I think it's invalid.

You can't use your score on JoeUser.com as a yard stick. After all, that Sir Peter Maxwell guy is highly ranked. One's JoeUser score is based on their popularity.

You are a good writer. But you also tend to write beyond your depth on some issues. Which is often a good thing, btw. But where I object is when you get uppity with those who do know a given topic better than you do. For some kid (and I mean that literally) to argue about adult relationships as if he is on the same level as people who have been married decades is just the height of arrogance.

I think I'm pretty knowledgeable on Physics but I'm not about to insist to Stephen Hawkings what's what on quantum theory. There are some subjects in which there is no substitute for experience.

That is what my entire article here was basically about - intelligence is not wisdom. Only through experience can one gain wisdom. Experience that is often earned the hard way.

Pam Johnson

on Apr 12, 2004

Sure like this site. There are just so many good to great debates. The fact that you have a thirty something, and a seventeen (or something) debating on the intelligence and wisdom borne into humans makes trully interesting reading. What I see here is the young and upcoming bull, and the older bull who has yet to reach that point in life where death has not become a major factor. Both have great points even though in the truest sense the older bull is able to interject better what life is all about. The younger one is still just pawing at the ground, but because of his intelligence level he knows his time is coming; the only problem is he well find out it doesn't go the way we hope it should.

Oh, Brad when I was 45 I was thinking of 21 year old girls. . .21 year boys with a great deal of indurance.

Pam

Dan Kaschel

on Apr 12, 2004

Alright, moving on because I don't feel inflammatory anymore...

All the compliments, however condescending, are appreciated coming from you. Good point about SPM...

If I disagreed with Stephen Hawking, I would most definitely challenge him. (We're just going to ignore the whole issue of paralysis for now.) Why? Because learning is terribly important to me, and challenging the best is often the best way to get the masters to spout their knowledge. btw, speaking of arrogance, do you realize you just equated yourself to Stephen Hawkings? Shifting topics again, I really do see you as a wealth of knowledge, and your experience in all areas is a valuable resource for me. I've learned more tonight on a number of topics than the last week:)

"For some kid (and I mean that literally) to argue about adult relationships as if he is on the same level as people who have been married decades is just the height of arrogance."

This is the only point I actually have a problem with. First off, age means nothing. A rose is a rose is a rose; an idea is an idea is an idea. There's no excuse for dismissing an idea based on age, even if it's from a seven-year-old. (Note the allusion.) And if you want to venture into the land of statistics, consider this: I have never divorced or ended any relationship unfavorably. How many of you adults can claim that kind of a track record?

Of course, I've never lose a horse race, either...

~Dan

Dan Kaschel

on Apr 12, 2004

Incidentally, has there been any headway in terms of either the issue detailed in the e-mail I sent you (regarding deleting blog groups) or enabling quotes for poor unfortunates such as myself who have to use the archaic ""'s?

~Dan

Draginol

on Apr 12, 2004

This is the only point I actually have a problem with. First off, age means nothing. A rose is a rose is a rose; an idea is an idea is an idea. There's no excuse for dismissing an idea based on age, even if it's from a seven-year-old. (Note the allusion.) And if you want to venture into the land of statistics, consider this: I have never divorced or ended any relationship unfavorably. How many of you adults can claim that kind of a track record?

1) Yes. Age means a lot when it comes to personal relationships.

2) Ideas are cheap. Experience is expensive.

3) My 7 year old son has never divorced or ended any relationship unfavorably either. Perhaps we should let him start posting a marital advice blog?

Whether you like it or not, there are some topics where there's no substitute for experience. Marriage. Parenthood, loss and death, etc.

Draginol

on Apr 12, 2004

To use quotes just use the brackets. The blog groups I don't know about. QUOTE with square brackets at the start and a /QUOTE at the end with brackets will get you brackets.

Dan Kaschel

on Apr 12, 2004

"1) Yes. Age means a lot when it comes to personal relationships.2) Ideas are cheap. Experience is expensive.3) My 7 year old son has never divorced or ended any relationship unfavorably either. Perhaps we should let him start posting a marital advice blog?Whether you like it or not, there are some topics where there's no substitute for experience. Marriage. Parenthood, loss and death, etc. "

1) So now we have a "yes," "no" shouting match. I guess we'd better just drop that point in search of more fertile grounds.

2) Yes, ideas are cheap. But good ideas, not so much. In any case, there's no way of offering an experience online. All you can do is present an idea based on your experience. The receiver (in a perfect world) absorbs the idea, runs it through the filter of their experience, and then responds according to whether it fits or doesn't.

3) Did you read my last line? "Of course, I've never lose a horse race, either...

" I only brought that up for comic relief. On the other hand, if he has good ideas about marriage, I can see no reason why not. And if he doesn't have any good ideas, then at least he'd find it out quickly:)

If you find yourself writing a sentence that begins with "whether you like it or not," it's a good sign that you're being dogmatic. Even if it is about something that should be perfectly obvious.

~Dan

Dan Kaschel

on Apr 12, 2004

this is supposed to be quoted

It just doesn't work for me.

~Dan

Dan Kaschel

on Apr 12, 2004

Try it under my account, it doesn't work on any computer I've tried. If you need my password, I can e-mail it to you.

~Dan

Draginol

on Apr 12, 2004

Dan, feel free to email pford@stardock.com about that. I'm not sure why quoting doesn't work for you.

Anything between (quote)this is a quote(/quote) but with square brackets is a quote.

Now, as for the discussion, I'm sorry Dan but I have no interest at all about whether you agree with me or not. I am simply telling you the way life works. Most adults will tell you the same thing I'm telling you. On some issues, there is simply no substitute for experience. Your acceptance of this reality (or not) has no bearing on its truth.

I'm sure to someone your age, truth and dogma sound mightily similar. It takes experience (again) to seperate dogma and simple truth.

Dan Kaschel

on Apr 12, 2004

I'll send you an e-mail when I'm at home.

Your statement that begins with "Now, as for the discussion," is completely nonsensical. You could say the same about all horses being pink, or the sun having fallen.

Truth and dogma don't sound similar at all. Dogma is the statement of a belief (especially but not necessarily religious) without support. Perhaps to somebody as bent on twisting the truth to a purpose as you are, the border is unclear. It isn't to me.

~Dan

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