Brad Wardell's views about technology, politics, religion, world affairs, and all sorts of politically incorrect topics.
Learning the difference is crucial to long term happiness
Published on April 11, 2004 By Draginol In Personal Relationships

When you're intelligent, it can be very frustrating to recognize that one lacks wisdom. And recognizing that truism is the first step on the path to gaining wisdom.

When I was 17, I started keeping a journal of my thoughts and experiences. It was part of the whole internal conceit that comes with being young and assured of ones intelligence relative to others. I kept the journal for many reasons but one reason was because I wanted to remember what it was like to be 17-21 so that when I had children, I would be able to understand better. I was certain that as I got older, I'd lose touch with that "deepness" that only young adults seemed to possess.

It is amazing how time converts intelligence to wisdom through experience. It shows up in so many subtle ways. I used to run a BBS back during my late teens and have print outs of some of my more (ahem) profound writings. Re-reading them makes it pretty clear just how intelligence is no substitute for wisdom.  For example, when I was a teen, my word choices were intentionally more flamboyant and intellectual than they are today. That is, my writing was more designed to impress my readers of my intellect than to communicate my ideas.  Today, when I write, I intentionally choose plainer words. That's because, over time, I've become more concerned with communicating effectively than demonstrating my vocabular.

That also is true of debating. I used to really enjoy debating about religion, the after life, abortion, evolution, love, etc.  I still maintain that these are good things to debate because they make you think about things in ways you may not have previously. But now, I rarely will debate those kinds of things. They're too subjective. I am not interested in convincing someone that evolution is true (though I don't mind popping in and briefly commenting on the subject).  I don't really care whether someone thinks abortion is murder or whether a "cell cluster" is life. These are things that are simply too subjective and won't be resolved.

Reading through my journal I recognize a great number of fairly typical attributes that one can see in teens anywhere in similar circumstances:

1) Melodrama. Everything is important. It is the age of poetry. The age of passionate diatribes. Heart-felt feelings. Words like "soul" and "eternal" are the types of words teens use to describe relationships. By the time you're 30, these words get replaced by words like "gas" and "smell".

2) Insecurity. Intelligence in teens is rarely valued by ones peers. This leads intelligent teens to simply try to redefine what "cool" is. That's why so many intelligent teens are basically exiles amongst their peers. I must confess, high school left a chip on my shoulder that helped fuel my ambition later on. Never underestimate the power of "I'll show them!".

3) Certainty. Teens seem to be "certain" of everything. I was. And adults who thought I was being naive were simply not intelligent enough to recognize the truth in my considered thoughts. After all, I had thought about these "deep" issues at length while adults were too busy playing office politics or watching TV. Some dullard 30 year old can't possibly understand the truth depth of my "love" for <eternal love interest #5101>. And their foolish patronization of me only made me feel more contempt for these dollards.

Of course, time moves on and wisdom is slow to build but it does over time.  The issues I thought for sure would be important turned out not to be important. What delivers everyday happiness is different from person to person but is almost certainly not the things I was so certain were the keys to happiness when I was 19.

As a 32 year old, my fear now is more that humans, psychologically, follow the same pattern. 

At 19 some think "I wonder what I should do with my life?" Result: Deep thoughts and certainty.

At 30 some think "I wonder if this is what I should be doing with my life?" Result: Marriages fail, unrest, re-evaluation.

At 45 some start to wonder "Is this what I should have done with my life?" Result: Mid-life crisis, sports cars, 21 year old girlfriends.

Obviously most people don't follow the pattern I describe above. But observation shows that a lot of people seem to fit some derivative of those patterns in roughly those scales.

Which brings us back to the original point - intelligence doesn't equal wisdom. Wisdom is slow to build over time. All we can do is try our best to recognize how little we know so that our intelligence doesn't lead us to disaster.


Comments (Page 3)
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on Apr 14, 2004
*makes squinty eyes* Im not sure I follow you Dan, as far as 30-40 year olds being ahead of their time. There are so many angles to go at it. In any case, (even at my age, 20) I have seen too many exceptions in every age group to be able to make such generalized statements. I suppose because of this, I have to take a much more firm stance that wisdom, nothing else but wisdom, has everything to do with a persons willingness to grow and change and learn from their own experiences, or the experiences of others. That's all from me : )

Thank you folks for a very interesting subject!
on Apr 14, 2004
"For instance, you don't try to convince others or necessarily work very hard communicate your arguments."

And yet, if we're all presenting our opinions, maybe he isn't TRYING to convince others, just putting out there what HE thinks...most times, for instance, I don't need others to be convinced of what I say, I just want to let them know how I feel or what I think, and figure they can take it or leave it.
on Apr 14, 2004
"For some kid (and I mean that literally) to argue about adult relationships as if he is on the same level as people who have been married decades is just the height of arrogance."This is the only point I actually have a problem with. First off, age means nothing. A rose is a rose is a rose; an idea is an idea is an idea. There's no excuse for dismissing an idea based on age, even if it's from a seven-year-old. "

Bingo! You've as much right to share your ideas, thoughts and opinions as anyone else...if people don't agree, and have life experiences which bear out another idea, thought, or opinion, they then have the freedom to share that as well...and all of the shared ideas, thoughts and opinions can then be discussed....but there's nothing that says one idea, thought or opinion has more value than another. The height of arrogance, IMO, is to presume otherwise.

on Apr 14, 2004
Now, as for the discussion, I'm sorry Dan but I have no interest at all about whether you agree with me or not. I am simply telling you the way life works.

The way life works IN YOUR OPINION....at your point in life, with your particular life experiences.....and that's precisely what Dan has been posting, as well....his view of how the world works....
on Apr 14, 2004
btw, the quote feature isn't working for me, either, nor is adding the bracketed "quote" and "/quote".........just thought I'd pass that along.
on Apr 14, 2004
Awwwwwwwww.. Dan, I wanted to be arrogant..or was that ignorant? I can never keep those two straightened out.

Anyways, wisdom comes with experience, right? Who ever truely learns fire is hot until they get burned, right?

On the same note, wisdom isn't intelligent. You can use life experiences to sound intelligent, but in reality you're just hiding.

There is a mathod to my medness.
on Apr 14, 2004
Lunaticus... huh??? I have no idea what all that was about.. Except for that beginning part about never being able to keep arrogance and ignorance straight, that was pretty funny.
on Apr 14, 2004
I think we seem to be divided on a line. One argues for judgement of expression at face value, and the other argues for the value of experience. So really, the quarrel is over which is more important.

~Dan
on Apr 15, 2004
The quarrel is never over! hehehe

I think Pam Johnson put it best when she called Dan & Brad a couple of bulls. What a brilliant analogy, and what could possibly more accurately prove Brad's argument?

Everyone's opinion is valid, in the sense that we're all entitled to have one. But that doesn't make them all accurate.

Someone who's never been married cannot possibly know what it's like. There are some things that you just don't understand until you experience 'em for yourself.
on Apr 15, 2004
Link

keeping things going... imajinit style
on Apr 15, 2004
Don't worry, One Man.. Alot of things get lost in the translation from my brain to my fingers.

Let's not forget those people who've been married several times and still cannot get it right, let alone figure any of it out. Age doesn't always equal experience.

on Apr 15, 2004
"Let's not forget those people who've been married several times and still cannot get it right, let alone figure any of it out. Age doesn't always equal experience."

Ah, yes... experience is sometimes misleading.

~Dan
on Apr 15, 2004
Let's not forget those people who've been married several times and still cannot get it right, let alone figure any of it out. Age doesn't always equal experience.


I think what you should have said was "experience doesn't always equal wisdom". Being married numerous times and having failed several times means that you've experienced it, done it...but probably haven't learnt anything or carried any relationship wisdom with you.
on Apr 15, 2004
I think what you should have said was "experience doesn't always equal wisdom". Being married numerous times and having failed several times means that you've experienced it, done it...but probably haven't learnt anything or carried any relationship wisdom with you.


Yes! Exactly! Thank you dharmagrl, good thing I say your reply or I may have sounded like a repeating record That has been my point the entire time.. But I guess my voice was simply washed up in the mix.

Twix.. It's all in the mix.
on Apr 15, 2004
I just want to say one thing... I agree with the overall article but I also think that intelligence doesn't equal common sense which is something that is overlooked. Whether that is just reiterating what Brad said, I don't know but I have met various people who were incredibly book smart and educated but where very naive and could be taken advantage of...
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